avoid premarital sex

Is it possible to abstain?

Growing up was fun and learning about sex was just one of it. I didn’t really get loads of lectures about not having sex except for when my mother started the famous “Don’t let any man touch you; if they do, you would get pregnant” advice. It was just the expected advice so it didn’t really sound strange or new to me.

I grew up in the midst of guys so everything about sex flew around the corner from time to time. My friends were wild and I was the biggest chase in the area. Every guy wanted me, and remembering that makes me laugh!

I had a lot of reasons to have sex especially with the exposure to mild and raw pornography around. I could decide to test-run, but I just couldn’t. Hmm…I decided to keep myself for myself without understanding the depth. It was a personal decision.

Possible to abstain?
Yes, it is. It just depends on what you want to focus on — the PLEASURE or the PAIN. It is DIFFICULT if you focus on the pleasure of the act and EASIER if you understand and weigh the gains ahead (and the consequences).

Sex starts from the mind so if you are going to stop or refrain, it would have to start from the mind. You would also have to tackle the root too, anyway, you can see me for that! [hugs]


5 Benefits of Abstaining From Premarital Sex

Personally, this is what I have gained from abstaining! Welcome to my world.

1. It keeps me concentrated on my vision and goals.

I’m not saying that those who have sex don’t concentrate but, personally, abstinence gives me 100% clarity. I wouldn’t have to drift into the thought of the last sexcapade and other sexual scenes at intervals. A man who runs a vision would be wise enough not to mingle with (and get caught in) sex as it can bear bad consequences — affecting you life’s goals and distracting from personal visions.

2. It has kept me from unpleasant surprises

Premarital sex has its baggage of painful surprises like unwanted pregnancies, sexually-transmitted diseases (like HIV, Hepatitis, Gonorrhea), and  the many other bitter fruits.

Ladies! I really wonder how a lot of ladies cope with several abortions in their sexual history. Keeping it can be shameful and disastrous, but why continue the deadly race? It isn’t worth destroying your womb for mere satisfaction or for the sake of your relationship. Some do it to fend for themselves but, sincerely, there are nicer ways to make money — if you are ready to start small and not compete with others. Doing it for the sake of men too, seriously, is not worth it!

If you ever become childless in marriage, no man would understand your story and you would, most likely, bear the shame alone!

And to think that you would start treating one diseases or the other, that’s just not the way to go.

3. It has kept me from being emotionally tied.

Most break-ups are painful because of the emotional ties left in the vacuum. It is sometimes called soul ties.

Even when a man or lady keeps hurting you, you might find it difficult to let go because you are kinda tied to each other emotionally and sexually. It is better to keep it clean.

Ask yourself, how easy have you been able to let go even when it hurts or how did you feel when it came to an end? It is quite easier for men. Women are more emotional and it can affect them more.

4. Abstinence keeps one’s dignity and worth.

¬†Every man wouldn’t mind marrying a clean lady — the respect is higher! Some men would have even slept around and then go for the clean slate for the proper marriage. Knowing you are intact, well-kept, and beautified only keeps you high with a good self esteem and healthy pride.

5. It has also helped me to stay clear in my relationship.

Having sex blocks the truth. Do you know how many partners that got married out of a lie? It is all fantasy. You would keep defending your partner over their wrongs. For me, it is easier to know when things are falling apart because am not tied sexually.

Do you know that most people couldn’t control themselves after the first bite? Yes! That is why it is better not to taste or even smell the forbidden fruit! Don’t be tempted to.

You Can Start All Over Again…

What about those who got raped and exposed at an early age? I understand and must say that it might not be easy but you can decide to. It is not easy but you could decide to let your experience become a springboard to your success. Almost every woman or girl child has been abused at one point or the other, you could talk to me for help or talk to Dr. Malik.

Wow! You can either keep your life or give it out. Which are you doing?

So now that you know the benefits, how can you start all over again?

Let me give you some simple but powerful tips (and contact me personally if you need help):

1. Become fully aware of sex and its consequences– the ugly and the beautiful side of it.
2. Understand and master your sexuality.
3. Tackle the root.
4. Become sincerely accountable to someone — maybe a trusted mentor.
5. Be busy and be determined — your mind receives what you focus on.


Adenike Adedokun is a relationship and sexuality coach. She is a practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and helps people build healthy relationship, emotionally-balanced minds, and sexually-sane lives.

She is the curator of#Singlesdate — a monthly Twitter hangout; the convener of THE MIND SHIFT NETWORK — a movement for building a revolutionary generation; and the Author of “RELATIONSHIP GUARDRAILS FOR HIM AND HER”.