Everyone is special.
Every woman is special and deserves the best in life. But how special do you think you are? Do you feel (and think) of yourself as a special “I deserve”, or as a special “I don’t deserve”?
There are times when you feel that you are doomed and bound to be a failure because you have lost some things in life, (like a job or a relationship partner) and not having what you desire. As a woman, you must have passed through different situations, and had to compare yourself with other people or even your best friend. You wonder why you cannot do and be as good as she is! And, even when you are in the right position to be grateful, you hardly find any reason to be, because you are obsessed with yourself. You think you are special but special in a negative way! You think you are special in the sense that you deserve not to be treated right; and that is why you can be in a abusive relationship and keep feeling that everything that goes wrong is your fault!
In the stream of this “special feeling” of being undeserving, you may think of statements you make about yourself, as being humble…but that is not true. Low self-esteem is not humility. Talking down on yourself shows that you are not sure of who you are — you think other people deserve the best things of life than you do.
Being humble is not thinking of yourself as nothing or nobody. It is not being arrogant, proud, and disrespectful of others. Low self-esteem is being wrongly obsessed with yourself and negativity. Next time you think that talking down on yourself is being humble you may have to take a pause and think about who and what you really are. Remember you are what you think.
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
So many women have been abused sexually and physically by either their family members, neighbors, teachers, or strangers as kids (or as adult). This has affected these women drastically, emotional, spiritual and psychologically. It has painted a negative picture to them about who they are and blinded their minds from thinking and seeing themselves in the light of who they truly are. Whatever the reason maybe woman, it is time to take charge of your life and truly humble yourself, and be positive about yourself.
You can start by correcting your attitudes. STOP…
#1. Complaining: Learn to be grateful and stop complaining about everything. Instead of complaining about how short or fat you think you are, how broke and how empty your wardrobe is, it time to appreciate the little you have. You can start by making a positive appreciation list of, at least ten, things every morning.
#2. Comparison: You are a unique woman and, believe it, you deserve the best. All you need to do is stop comparing yourself with others, your friends; and they may have all the men and attention but you have more than that if you look in the right direction. You may not be from a rich family like your friends or have the prettiest clothes or hottest body, but, hey! woman you are more than that! You are all that you need to be!
#3. Condemnation: Everyone makes mistakes but it is up to you to either learn from them or lean on them (and keep drowning). Whatever must have happened to you—be it rape, loss of a loved one, abandonment by parents, or rejection — happened for a reason (be it your fault or not)! It is time you stop condemning yourself and others.
#4. Ignoring compliments: You can start by accepting compliments and appreciating them. Sometimes, you may think that people pass comments to you in sarcasm but it not true. Some truly mean it when they say they like your dress or that you are beautiful. Of course, you really want to believe that but you have set negative goals and pictures about yourself that stop you from seeing the true “you”. Start accepting compliments.
#5. Expecting failure: Stop expecting bad things to happen to you! You are more than just a woman with feminine features; so the next time you are going into a relationship believe that you are the best and stop entertaining the fear of being dumped or loosing a beauty contest because you think you are the least beautiful! Be confident in who you are and expect the best to happen to you. What you focus on is what you attract. If you focus on rejection, you attract rejection.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Mildred Gyang is a student of English Language, a feminist, a writer, and a poet. She is the founder of The CRISTAL Students’ Association and the KrystalWoman Club, both in Jos, Plateau State.